Is Jealousy Natural?

It is commonly held in the west, that jealousy is a natural part of relating.

Many even interpret overwhelming jealousy and possessiveness in their partner as a flattering sign of strong love, and affection - but the form of toxic jealousy, we have normalized in western culture is doing far more harm than good to our lives and relationships.

For example:

• Toxic jealousy demands that our partners contort to our emotions and compromise to "make" us feel better - adding unnecessary weight to our relationships

• We neglect the proper emotional hygiene that heavy emotion demands - missing an opportunity to identify, express, and meet our own needs better

• We build the habit of neglecting the essential practices of emotional maturity and responsibility

This common view should come as no surprise. Jealousy has been a major icon in virtually every form of popular media. Music, movies, news, radio, reality TV, and many more all feature and normalize jealousy as an inevitable feature of relationships and romance.

So what is jealousy, and if all of these outlets are portraying it, how can it not be natural?

Jealousy is an emotion, and emotion is indeed natural.

However, the handling of our emotions as individuals can make or break our partnerships, marriages, friendships, and families.

The fact of the matter is, the way jealousy has been represented in American culture; without accompanying instruction on the best way to best process it - has been detrimental to our romantic relationships.

Where these media portrayals fall short, is representing healthy forms of emotional hygiene, when jealousy arises. Conflict resolution doesn't get high ratings and views. Healthy and stable communication of emotion isn't expected to keep the attention of viewers. So it's left out of the final cut if done at all.

Pair that will a general lack of emotional intelligence training in our society (name one mandatory institution that teaches these skills... I'll wait.) and you have a society that doesn't know the value of emotional hygiene.

Allowing any heavy emotion to run rampant in our lives and relationships is akin to disregarding our need for bathing. It leads to all kinds of unwanted side effects...

Inevitably, with no examples of emotion processing, we end up missing the opportunity jealousy presents; a chance to identify, express, and meet our own needs better.

We may attempt to delegate this responsibility to our partners, asking them to conform to our emotions, instead. We may ask them to compromise their freedom; "I don't want you to go out with your friends tonight, I don't like when you're out with your single friends".

Pile on enough limitation and compromise, and humans begin to feel weighed down and resentful in their relationships. Especially westerners', who view freedom as the backbone of their culture.

In this free world of hyper-individuality, it's time we take individual responsibility for our emotions, as well.

In Progressive Love, we believe relationships have a purpose; to grow us.

To the extent that we embrace this fact, we can shift our perception of emotions like jealousy and see them for what they really are - opportunities to evolve as individuals.

To dig to the root of our emotional reactions and uncover wounds, triggers, and traumas we've yet to release.

It's time to free ourselves from the weight of our past hurt and give ourselves the gift of self-love, care, and presence.

You owe it to yourself.